My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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