What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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