You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
