Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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