Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
