i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
