I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
