the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
