I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
