He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
