the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
