There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
