I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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