found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
