Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
