he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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