Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
