Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
