she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
