My hand turned me down
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
