You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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