I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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