your room smells of hookers.
And success
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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