the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize