i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
