You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
