goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Randomize