i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
