I just cut my nipple shaving
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
