gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
