And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize