I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
