I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
