that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
