i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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