The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just pee around me
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
