Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
