I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
