If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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