The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
