I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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