it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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