Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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