I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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