I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
