I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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