guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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