Rock
Scissors
Fuck
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
