Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
