Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
