you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
