If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
