At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
