lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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