Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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