I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
