I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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