The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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