Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
