I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
