dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
