Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
