i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I looked at my own cervix.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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