You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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