apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
