I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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