I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Randomize
