Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
