his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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