I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
