apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
