so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize