one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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