Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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