we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize