nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
