Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
