I just cut my nipple shaving
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
