im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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