Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
