I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
