ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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