It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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