were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
