halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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