Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize