Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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