The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Randomize
