My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
