would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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