i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
