...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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