hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Maybe he injected his testicle?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
