More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
