And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
