i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
