True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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